He Raped Me...Can i Forgive & Forget?

Dear Oye,

I'm kinda struggling to forgive a good friend of mine ( we not really good friends anymore sha) who raped me two years ago. I was a virgin and he knew I was waiting till marriage. I know I should forgive him but every time I remember that day, I always get mad at him and myself. I get upset with myself because something told me to leave his house that day but I didn't listen.

I told him no & he said he thought my know meant yes..

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Its not normal that you have the bitterness in you but now is the time to get it out of you...i'm sure this experience is tainting other areas of your life...but dear it is impossible to inhale new air until you exhale the old according to TD Jakes.

He killed your trust...first thing first congratulations that you shared this because your healing process has started....you first of all need to decide that you're ready to forgive.

It is hard to do but you have to forgive ...pray for him tomorrow in church and tell God that you desire to let go of the past...tell God you no longer want to dress an old wound...

FORGIVE & FORGET...Something i learnt from @bishopjakes about forgetting is ...forgetting isn't a MEMORY LAPSE its a MEMORY RELEASE...you will remain chained to that past until you decide enough is enough...thank God for the experience......Read philippians 3:13-15

Ask God to take out every unforgivesess in your heart...

I know a lot can relate to this....are you willing to forgive or you'll rather stay blaming the guy that raped you?

Life is too short to die a bitter person....DivineDivas forgive & they forget.

Love,

Oye (DivineDiva)

Marriage Built On Biblical Principles

Father, Your Word establishes that wives should submit to their husband’s authority and reverence him. Your Word also establishes that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it (1 Peter 3: 1- 7). We thank You that this is established in our relationship now and forever. We thank You, Father, for making us greater together than we will ever be apart (Ecclesiastes 4: 9- 12)

We thank You, Father, that divorce is not an option in this marriage so the discussion of such will never be entertained (Mark 10: 9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder). We thank You for the willingness to rectify all disagreements or conflict in our relationship before our day ends (Ephesians 4: 26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath). We confess and decree that we will give envy and strife no place in this relationship (James 3: 16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work). We confess and decree that we use kind words to deflect frustration and anger (Proverbs 15: 1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger; Proverbs 16: 24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones). We confess and decree that we will live harmoniously and love each other with the unconditional love of Christ.

We thank You, Father, that our family prays together and will stay together, 

happily and lovingly, through the submission to Your Word and the leadership of my husband/ myself (Psalm 127: 1 Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. 

We declare and decree that the glory of our future will be greater than that of our past (Haggai 2: 9)

Amen...

Curled from "I need to Pray" by Tina Campbell

Picture from instagram @jidekolaphotography

WALK AWAY..

It's hard to walk away, but you must! You have to make sure that you're not holding on out of ego. You have to be sure that you're not trying to raise an adult or change a person who is unwilling to change. It's not about you, it's about them. It's not that you're not worthy of love. It's that they aren't ready to learn how to love. You have to recognize that and be willing to walk away.
Sometimes it's the walking away part that makes a person change. If you've left before and it didn't influence them to change then the next time you leave it needs to be for good.
We waste so much unnecessary time trying to make love work. You have to be willing to admit when you didn't know love and you built on lust instead. You have to be willing to cut your losses, learn your lesson(s), and move on stronger and wiser. You can't force love and you shouldn't have to.
Love is a gift not a curse. Don't live a cursed life by trying to hold onto a lie. Evaluate your situation. If you know you've done all you can to make it work and it hasn't, let it go. Love is waiting for you but you can't attract it if you're still tied to a lie.
I pray you find the strength to leave if you know you need to leave!

source: www.TonyGaskins.com 

I never asked you to be my Girlfriend...

    There so many people who are broken, confused, and paralyzed in their ability to trust–simply due to the confusion they’ve experienced as a result of  friends with benefits.
Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with no clear direction of where its headed?  We call ourselves single yet we engage in a relationship that sometimes feels like an addiction. A relationship filled with Lust, sex, and physical passion- masked behind the normalcy of a friendship.
We've become a generation that's comfortable with doing the "Normal" instead of the "right" things. Even though normal feels like the acceptable thing, this lack of certainty kind of relationship will cause more damage than do any good.
The last time i checked, I've been involved in more friends with benefits kind of relationships than any serious one. I actually thought it was the coolest thing ever..i mean no strings attached right? but the truth is there are actually more strings attached.
   I remember the last experience that got me running from such contract...I met Femi in a popular Lagos Club, good looking and very calm guy (well...i thought he was)..he walked up to me and offered me a bottle of champagne. We got talking inside the club and we exchanged numbers.
We often started seeing daily, got closer and graduated to getting physical  without any proper definition. I wanted more but i couldn't say anything because i thought defining whatever we were doing would mean "expecting more from Femi"...We were together for over one year until i figured he was talking to some new chic and i confronted him and he said to me "i never asked you to be my girlfriend"
   We started a relationship with "no rules, no titles, no commitment and well it ended that way.
If you ever find yourself caught in the ambiguity of a friends with benefits relationship–maybe it’s time to ask yourself who this relationship is actually benefiting?  Here are some things to consider:

1.  When you start a relationship with no boundaries–you usually stay there. One thing that defines a friends with benefits relationship is the fact that it’s lacking boundaries. The problem in relationships like this is that they don’t magically turn into healthy relationships along the way.  When you start a game with no rules–it’s really hard to go back and play by the rules.

2.  If you give it for free–they’ll never pay for it.  A huge problem in the friends with benefits culture is that you learn to give, and give, and give–with no expectation or understanding of what you’ll get in return.  You give of yourself, your body, your time, and your emotions without requiring a commitment.  When it comes to relationships, commitment is the price to pay–the more you give, the more you should receive.  We all come with a price tag–and that price tag should be set high.  But friends with benefits encourages you to give for free–and creates an atmosphere that fuels selfishness, disrespect, and zero responsibility. Healthy relationships require you to take ownership of your choices–and that always starts with clear commitment

3.  The physical has the power to affect the emotional–and skew the rational.  We’re made to bond during physical intimacy.  Whether it be a hug, a kiss, or sex–our bodies are wired to release chemicals during physical intimacy that make us feel connected to the person we’re with.  That’s a really amazing thing–but it can be a really confusing thing when your mind is telling you you’re friends–and your emotions are telling you something far different.  When you create a relationship that’s built on the physical–your emotions will always follow suit.  But the thing is–emotions can’t always be trusted.

4. If you’ve decided to be just “friends” with someone–there’s probably a good reason. physical and emotional connection will cause you to keep coming back for more–until you find yourself in an extremely unhealthy and dangerous cycle that can leave you feeling paralyzed, stuck, and unable to move forward.

No matter who you are or what you’ve been through–you’re worth far more than the pain of a one-way relationship.  You owe it to yourself to up your value, to ask for more, and to expect great things in your life and relationships. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpuf

No matter who you are or what you’ve been through–you’re worth far more than the pain of a one-way relationship.  You owe it to yourself to up your value, to ask for more, and to expect great things in your life and relationships. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpuf

 No matter who you are or what you’ve been through–you’re worth far more than the pain of a one-way relationship.  You owe it to yourself to up your value, to ask for more, and to expect great things in your life and relationships. They will still approach you, they will call you boring bu you have choice...Don't wait for any guy to tell you "he never asked you to be his girlfriend"

Friends with Benefits has zero Benefits.


inspired by:
truelovedates.com

No matter who you are or what you’ve been through–you’re worth far more than the pain of a one-way relationship.  You owe it to yourself to up your value, to ask for more, and to expect great things in your life and relationships. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpuf

Lust, sex, and physical passion- masked behind the normalcy of a friendship. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpuf

I hear from so many people who are broken, confused, and paralyzed in their ability to trust–simply due to the ambiguity and confusion they’ve experienced as a result of the friends with benefits epidemic. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpuf

I hear from so many people who are broken, confused, and paralyzed in their ability to trust–simply due to the ambiguity and confusion they’ve experienced as a result of the friends with benefits epidemic. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpu

I hear from so many people who are broken, confused, and paralyzed in their ability to trust–simply due to the ambiguity and confusion they’ve experienced as a result of the friends with benefits epidemic. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpuf

I hear from so many people who are broken, confused, and paralyzed in their ability to trust–simply due to the ambiguity and confusion they’ve experienced as a result of the friends with benefits epidemic. - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/friendswithbenefits/#sthash.wjwpz2jG.dpuf