Are You Marriage Material?

 So often in the pursuit of love we get so caught up trying to find the right person, that we end up losing ourselves.

But just as important as it is find someone who is marriage material, it’s important to take some time to look inward, making sure that we are meeting the very standards we are looking for in a partner.

So what does it take to become marriage material? Here are a few characteristics that we need to strive for as we seek to become all that God wants for us:

1. Faith: There is nothing more vital to the life-line of a healthy person than being rooted in relationship with Christ. Through this relationship, we learn what it means to really love, and are enabled to pour that same kind of love into our romantic relationships as well.  Don’t ever neglect your faith through the process of dating, because it’s the most important aspect to achieving a rich and meaningful love-life.

2. Self-Awareness: Self-awareness is such a crucial aspect to becoming marriage material. Knowing your strengths, your weakness, your struggles, your talents, and your flaws has everything to do with the health of your future relationship because healthy people attract healthy relationships. Become marriage material by taking the time to look inward. Deal with your baggage, and strive to become the best version of yourself.

3. Security: It is said that a person’s level of security and confidence is actually more attractive to the opposite sex than their actual physical appearance. A person of confidence knows that their value is not rooted in their relationship status, but rather, their identity in Christ. People of confidence are enabled to love out of their desire to give, rather than simply out of their desire to get.

4. Integrity: Honesty, Loyalty, Respect, Purity…living a life of integrity means that we resolve to develop the qualities of godliness in our lives. Integrity is something that begins long before we’ve entered a relationship, and has everything to do with how we act and interact with the people that God has placed in our lives here and now.

5. Responsibility: From how you deal with your finances, to how well you keep your word, and everything in between, being marriage material means that you take responsibility for your life. When you are responsible with your life, you will also be responsible with their heart.

6. Commitment: We live in a generation that’s absolutely afraid of commitment. From  choosing a career, to making plans for a Friday night, our culture tends to live paralyzed by fear rather than take steps of faith and move into action. Take a look at your life and ask yourself this: what has been your track record when it comes to the area of commitment? What fears, insecurities, and anxieties have been holding you back from living your life and making commitments? To become marriage material, it’s important to be a person that’s driven by faith, not by fear.

7. Significant Relationships: A person who is marriage material recognizes that there is so much value in relationships – above and beyond romantic ones. Healthy people have learned the art of making deep friendships, learning from wise mentors, and discipling those who are in need of direction. One way to know how someone will engage in a romantic relationship is by taking a look at how they interact with the people in their lives. Are your significant relationships marked by drama and conflict, or by communication and respect? Work on nourishing the relationships that God has given you here and now in order to prepare yourself for life-long love.

8. Maturity: To put it simply, to be marriage material – you need to grow up. And the thing about “growing up” is…it has nothing to do with your age. We live in a culture that allows us to remain children for far too long, never asking us to plan ahead or set goals; blaming everyone else instead of owning up to our life choices and responsibilities. But the quality of our life is determined by no one else and nothing less than the choices that we make day in and day out. Recognize your role in your life and in your relationships, by learning to grow up and take action.

9. Discipline: Believe it or not, all the things you struggle with as a single, you will likely continue to struggle with in your marriage. So there’s no better time to become marriage material than before marriage! God’s word reminds us that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. What are the areas of your life that are in need of some self-control? Your spending habits? Your emotional world? Your sexual struggles? Your leisure activities? How are you spending the precious minutes of your life, and are you building habits that will benefit your future marriage, hang-ups that will poison it?

10. Communication: The truth is, marriage is a life-long conversation. But so many of us go into it without any knowledge of how to converse or manage conflict. We hold our feelings in, give the cold shoulder, or spew venomous words when we’re angry and upset. We don’t know how to recognize our feelings, much less share them with someone else. But to become marriage material, you need to learn how to communicate in a healthy way. What is your communication bent? Are you a passive, aggressive, or assertive communicator? Are you superficial in your conversation, or do you have the skills to go deep?

Having a healthy marriage starts long before the marriage begins. Take inventory of your life and ask yourself if you’re learning and growing in the ten areas mentioned above.

Do your future marriage a favor by using this precious time in your life to work on becoming the best version of yourself. Here’s to a healthy you, and in turn, to becoming “marriage material”.



Curled from truelovedates.com

 So often in the pursuit of love we get so caught up trying to find the right person, that we end up losing ourselves.

But just as important as it is find someone who is marriage material, it’s important to take some time to look inward, making sure that we are meeting the very standards we are looking for in a partner.

So what does it take to become marriage material? Here are a few characteristics that we need to strive for as we seek to become all that God wants for us:

1. Faith: There is nothing more vital to the life-line of a healthy person than being rooted in relationship with Christ. Through this relationship, we learn what it means to really love, and are enabled to pour that same kind of love into our romantic relationships as well.  Don’t ever neglect your faith through the process of dating, because it’s the most important aspect to achieving a rich and meaningful love-life.

2. Self-Awareness: Self-awareness is such a crucial aspect to becoming marriage material. Knowing your strengths, your weakness, your struggles, your talents, and your flaws has everything to do with the health of your future relationship because healthy people attract healthy relationships. Become marriage material by taking the time to look inward. Deal with your baggage, and strive to become the best version of yourself.

3. Security: It is said that a person’s level of security and confidence is actually more attractive to the opposite sex than their actual physical appearance. A person of confidence knows that their value is not rooted in their relationship status, but rather, their identity in Christ. People of confidence are enabled to love out of their desire to give, rather than simply out of their desire to get.

4. Integrity: Honesty, Loyalty, Respect, Purity…living a life of integrity means that we resolve to develop the qualities of godliness in our lives. Integrity is something that begins long before we’ve entered a relationship, and has everything to do with how we act and interact with the people that God has placed in our lives here and now.

5. Responsibility: From how you deal with your finances, to how well you keep your word, and everything in between, being marriage material means that you take responsibility for your life. When you are responsible with your life, you will also be responsible with their heart.

6. Commitment: We live in a generation that’s absolutely afraid of commitment. From  choosing a career, to making plans for a Friday night, our culture tends to live paralyzed by fear rather than take steps of faith and move into action. Take a look at your life and ask yourself this: what has been your track record when it comes to the area of commitment? What fears, insecurities, and anxieties have been holding you back from living your life and making commitments? To become marriage material, it’s important to be a person that’s driven by faith, not by fear.

7. Significant Relationships: A person who is marriage material recognizes that there is so much value in relationships – above and beyond romantic ones. Healthy people have learned the art of making deep friendships, learning from wise mentors, and discipling those who are in need of direction. One way to know how someone will engage in a romantic relationship is by taking a look at how they interact with the people in their lives. Are your significant relationships marked by drama and conflict, or by communication and respect? Work on nourishing the relationships that God has given you here and now in order to prepare yourself for life-long love.

8. Maturity: To put it simply, to be marriage material – you need to grow up. And the thing about “growing up” is…it has nothing to do with your age. We live in a culture that allows us to remain children for far too long, never asking us to plan ahead or set goals; blaming everyone else instead of owning up to our life choices and responsibilities. But the quality of our life is determined by no one else and nothing less than the choices that we make day in and day out. Recognize your role in your life and in your relationships, by learning to grow up and take action.

9. Discipline: Believe it or not, all the things you struggle with as a single, you will likely continue to struggle with in your marriage. So there’s no better time to become marriage material than before marriage! God’s word reminds us that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. What are the areas of your life that are in need of some self-control? Your spending habits? Your emotional world? Your sexual struggles? Your leisure activities? How are you spending the precious minutes of your life, and are you building habits that will benefit your future marriage, hang-ups that will poison it?

10. Communication: The truth is, marriage is a life-long conversation. But so many of us go into it without any knowledge of how to converse or manage conflict. We hold our feelings in, give the cold shoulder, or spew venomous words when we’re angry and upset. We don’t know how to recognize our feelings, much less share them with someone else. But to become marriage material, you need to learn how to communicate in a healthy way. What is your communication bent? Are you a passive, aggressive, or assertive communicator? Are you superficial in your conversation, or do you have the skills to go deep?

Having a healthy marriage starts long before the marriage begins. Take inventory of your life and ask yourself if you’re learning and growing in the ten areas mentioned above.

Do your future marriage a favor by using this precious time in your life to work on becoming the best version of yourself. Here’s to a healthy you, and in turn, to becoming “marriage material”.o often in the pursuit of love we get so caught up trying to find the right person, that we end up losing ourselves.
But just as important as it is find someone who is marriage material, it’s important to take some time to look inward, making sure that we are meeting the very standards we are looking for in a partner.
- See more at: http://truelovedates.com/10-things-marriage-material/#sthash.1yBLkuIQ.dpuf

I want to abstain from Sex but He doesn't

A lot of Christian women are deciding to abstain from sex until marriage for many reasons. The problem comes in when trying to date men who are accustomed to having sex while in a relationship.

I have decided to start dating again while i maintain living by God's principle to save sex for marriage but i keep meeting men who are Christians but don't want to live by God's principles about sex. I think it's more difficult knowing I'm not a virgin but i believe a man will wait for anything or anyone he feels is worth it. There is a shift happening now and because of the state of relationships people are becoming more thoughtful about their actions.
Never compromise your beliefs to please a man...actually it's more like Never compromise your relationship with God to please a man.The man who is for you will respect you and will wait for you.
I recommend doing it God's way. That's where the blessings are and less stress is there. Some women say they have sex because they want to. No, you're having sex because you've been conditioned and programmed to have sex to keep and to please a man. So you give a boyfriend the benefits of a husband and claim that it's all your idea.
If a man leaves you for having standards, let him leave. If a man can't see the bigger picture, he's still a grown boy and will probably cause you more pain and stress than peace and happiness.Has marriage worked even when the couple had sex while dating? Yes! Does that mean it's right? No! Sex keeps no man!!
I started talking to someone recently, he had some of the qualities of what i wanted in my man but he definitely can't wait or isn't willing to wait.
Build your relationship on friendship, not sex. If sex couldn't be part of your relationship, would it still work? If one of you had a stroke and couldn't have sex anymore, would there still be love? If one of you has a surgery or is hospitalized and you couldn't have sex, would there be infidelity? A lot of men even cheat on their woman while she's pregnant. That's because the relationship was built on lust and sex, not love and friendship. So my message to you is; if your legs are closed, keep them closed. If your legs are open, close them.
Do something out of the norm and build a relationship on friendship. Let the lust build and fulfill it when you give the woman a commitment until death do you part. Be the man and take the lead; and lead with love. Let it be your idea to wait until marriage for sex instead of being forced into it by her. You won't die without having sex. What you will gain is self-control, self-respect, focus, will-power, determination, strength, and so much more.

Challenge yourself and Grow through it because you're worth the wait.

Cheers...

#Christiansingles-Dealing with Sexual Desires

Issues such as sex are not often discussed in churches today but i feel we need to shed more light in that angle. I am personally confused as a Christian single lady that's tasted sex before and now that I've decided to honor God with my body it feels tougher. I've been celibate for over one year and it's not like i desire sex but dealing with people that desire sex is my struggle.
Recently, i almost got carried away and the devil sent me on a guilt trip for hours. I wasn't myself because i got physically intimate with someone i was attracted to. It is true that our desire for sex and sexual/physical intimacy is evidence of our need to connect.  We are relational beings, who even by the nature of our physiological makeup, are created to be in connection with other human beings.
As Christians how do we handle them when we have no means of expressing them as an unmarried individual?  How do we allow these desires to point us to Jesus, rather than keep us away?
 I've come to realize that dealing with sexual desires is something we will face at many points in our single life but learning to deal with these desires in a healthy and God-honoring way is a discipline that will last us in a healthy married life.
if you're like me that's made a decision to honor God my body, Here are some steps as seen on truelovedates.com that we can take, as we seek to honor God with these overwhelming desires?

First, we must allow our desires to bring us in CONNECTION WITH GOD. What I mean by this is that so many times we are wired to run from God in guilt, fear, and shame when we are struggling with our sexual desires. This is the devil's plan so find whatever way you can to connect to God. Worship, pray, study the word. Do anything that would bring you back to Jesus.

Secondly, it is important we CONNECT WITH OTHERS.  There are times when the gravity of our sexual desire correlates with the state of our emotional needs.  We need to feel loved, accepted, and to belong.  Sex in marriage offers all of those things within the context of a life-long companion.  But for those who are unmarried, those very needs can begin to be met outside of a sexual relationship- in the embrace of a friend or the comforting words of a loving mentor.  God can use all kinds of people to fill our deep emotional needs for connection.  But we have to be aware of the connection, and then take action by engaging in meaningful non-sexual relationships.

Thirdly, we can CONNECT TO THE WORLD around us. channel your anger!  I believe that we can also channel our sexual desires by focusing our time, our energy, and our efforts on things that are meaningful and purposeful.  What is it that excites you?   What are the things that your heart deeply connects with?  What causes do you feel are most important in this world?  Use your energies to make a difference in the world around you. I think Paul was referring to just that when he explained that greater than sexual connection, is the ability to serve God in a focused and undistracted way.  Unlike Paul,  we may not all have the life-calling of a celibacy, but we do have a calling toward meaning, toward purpose, and toward a fulfilling life.  Use this time in your life to focus your energies on things that matter and the pursuit of your passions- and I believe it will bring you one step closer to getting a healthy perspective on your sexual desires.

Finally, PROTECT. Not only are we called to connect, but we are called to protect this God-given gift that we’ve been given.  You can have the greatest intentions in the world, coupled with the strongest desire to do right- but if you don’t have a plan, you’re not going to be able to get to where you want to be. We need to make a practical plan that will challenge you to take the necessary steps to both being freed from sexual sin, as well as protecting yourself from sexual struggles.

May God give us the wisdom and the grace to realize that He has got our best interest in mind…and He always has.  May we find the courage and strength to choose to do things His way, because His way will always be our best.
  Make sure you share this with someone..




Love,
Divnediva

How do you handle them when you have no means of expressing them as an unmarried individual?  How do you allow them to point you to Jesus, rather than keep you away? - See more at: http://truelovedates.com/what-to-do-with-sexual-desires/#sthash.u9bYfxyU.dpuf

10 Girls You Should NEVER Date

Ms. Barbie Girl

 You know exactly who I’m talking about, don’t you? This is the girl that’s “too-perfect-to-be-real”, and that’s because she probably isn’t. If you don’t recognize her by her “augmentations” you might recognize her by the fact it takes her 3 hours to get ready, the ridiculous amount of time she spends looking in the mirror, the 5 inches of make-up on her face (and maybe even body…), or the way that she has to look “just perfect” in order to go anywhere or do anything, including a trip to the gym, or a run to the grocery store. I’m all for a woman looking presentable, and I am a fan of my makeup, but let’s remember that true beauty never starts on the outside, it always runs so much deeper. Be on the lookout for THAT kind of unfading beauty.

Ms. Flirtatious

This one right here will win you over with her seductive glances and her flattering words. But the problem you’ll start noticing is that her flirting isn’t contained to just you. The glances she gives your waiter, the way talks to your roommate, or the way she giggles flirtatiously at your best friends jokes. It’s one thing to be flirtatious as an avenue of affection within a relationship, it’s a whole other thing when you’re marked by your flirtatious way. Recognize this one quickly, because what you see here is what you’ll get.

Ms. I’m Sexy and I Know It

It’s great to have self-confidence as a woman, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. In fact, this woman often feels so insecure about herself, that she uses her body to gain affirmation from men. In other words, she flaunts her stuff to anyone who’s willing to look. While her seduction might draw you like a magnet, you’ll quickly realize that it’s also drawing everyone else, too. And one thing I’ve learned from my husband about men, is that one of the most attractive things about a relationship with a woman is the exclusivity of that woman being “only his”. So find a woman that shows she’s “all yours” by respecting her body and reserving it for the proper time.

Ms. Nothin’ In There But Air

One of the most beautiful things about the early stages of relationship is the mystery involved. Little by little you get to know one layer at a time, revealing heart, mind, soul and spirit. But as you peel back the layers of this particular woman, you’ll realize that…there isn’t too much there! This is the kind of woman who hasn’t really taken the time to know herself, know her beliefs, or know what she feels or thinks. She’ll likely default to your preferences, your beliefs, your relationship with God, and even your interests. While this may seem to make life easy at first, the lack of mystery and depth will wear you down, because a healthy relationship involves two unique identities- not just one trying to mimic the other.

Ms. Gold-Digger

She loves your car, she loves your career, and she loves your cash. But does she really like you? You’ll recognize this one quickly, because she’ll take all she can get from you, and give very little back in return. She’s looking for security more than she’s looking for a significant relationship. Say bye-bye before your cash runs out.

Ms. Overly Critical

I think this is the worst of all the women you could date. According to proverbs, a woman like this is like the sound of a leak dripping: constant, annoying, and problematic!! And just like a leak, this woman will DRAIN you, and leave you questioning your value, your significance, and your worth. You’ll never feel appreciated under the constant cloud of criticism. First, see the good in yourself, and then find a woman who can do the same.

Ms. Bossy-Pants

This one will micromanage your entire life. She’ll have an opinion about how you should spend your money, chew your food, iron your clothes, and maybe even how you should change your personality. The thing about this woman is that she’s a control-freak. And one thing I know about control freaks is that deep down, they feel like they have no control in some area of their life, and so they take it out on their relationships. This habit is not one you can “out learn”, in fact, it takes a lot of time, introspection, and work. So step away from this relationship, and give her the time she needs to heal, to learn, and to grow.

Ms. Wishy-Washy

A woman like this will take your heart on quite a ride, because she doesn’t really know what she wants. One moment she’s into you, and the other moment she’s confused and wants to take a step back. This internal struggle is not going to be resolved anytime soon, so do yourself a favor and find someone who’s just as into you as you are into them. Healthy relationships are marked by peace, not by constant doubt and regret.

Ms. One-Way-Street

This princess thinks that somehow, relationships are all-about-her. She may even wrongly believe this is a “biblical” approach to relationships. In other words- she expects you to do all the work, and to put in all the effort while she sits back and reaps the rewards. The sad part is that sometimes this mentality is wrongly perpetuated in some church circles, as the men are expected to be the “leaders” while the women are the “followers”. That might work for some guys, but for others, this lack of reciprocity in a relationship eventually becomes draining. You need a woman who will pour into you, as much as you pour into her.  Who will sharpen you, as you sharpen her. Who will challenge you to become better, while you do the same for her. The best relationships are made of two people- each giving their best to one another.

Ms. Drama-Drama-Drama

Drama with her momma, drama with her best friend, drama with her boss at work. This gal is characterized by drama everywhere she goes, and she tells you all about it. But the drama isn’t necessarily the dangerous part in this kind of woman, it’s the underlying belief that it’s always everyone else’s fault. This woman is to be avoided because she doesn’t understand the meaning of taking ownership and responsibility of her life and relationships. And trust me, that blame-game will quickly become a part of your relationship, too.
With that in mind, let’s all be mindful of the reality that relationships aren’t about finding perfection– we all know that doesn’t exist. But they are about finding imperfect people, who realize their flaws and weaknesses, and are working to become better and better with each and every passing day.

You are the only one responsible for the kind of person you date.


ORIGINAL POST from http://truelovedates.com