The truth is there are processes we have to go through before we can even be ready to become a wife. I've come to realize that being single doesn't have to be as difficult as we portray it. It has more to do with your state of mind than the status.
I can across this ten dating commandments that I believe will help us with successful dating that will lead to a successful relationship....yea i mean us (I'm still single and still learning)
Commandment #1: Thou Shalt Be Honest
I've always believed in this slogan "no trust, no love" and its the absolute truth. The best and most important way to begin a relationship is by being honest from the start. Being honest requires telling the truth even if it means hurting the other person's feelings. Lying to prevent them from getting hurt will have a bigger negative impact later. its a lot of work really because you need to keep up the lie to avoid the truth from surfacing.
And it gets hard for men because women will ask the same question in different ways just to see if your answer will change. You also have to be careful how you are honest. Saying exactly what‘s on your mind at any given moment is not good.Honesty is still the best policy.
Commandment #2: Thou Shalt Set Boundaries
This is one area I'm seriously struggling with, i don't need to wear a mask just to make my readers feel "all is well" when all isn't well. I've been single for about 2years but whenever i try talking to someone new, we always have conflict when it comes to setting boundaries. Boundaries aren't walls,but rather it helps distinguish what we let in and let out.
Commandment# 3: Thou Shalt Ask Questions
One of the main reasons people get hurt in relationships is because they don‘t ask the right or enough questions. Its always a case of Boy meets girl, Girl wants to know if boy is single and vice versa..then they become an item.
o many singles especially miss this because they are looking at the person‘s outer appearance or what they have. I learned that in management and business you should ask open-ended questions that begin with who, what, when, where, why, and how, will call them to give you more specific and not just yes or no answers. ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS!! yea..like the type they ask when we go for Job interviews.
The answers to the questions you ask will give you a better insight on how that person is and how they will be in the relationship. And you will have a red or green light on going further.
- “How is your relationship with God?”
- “Why are you single?”
- “What do you like to do for fun?”
- “What is your family like?”
- “What are you looking for in a relationship?”
- “Where do you see yourself in the next five years?”
- “What do you feel is your purpose in life?”
- “What does honesty mean to you?”
Here‘s the vicious cycle that many couples go through each weekend: first of all he calls up, then of course, you dress up, he then picks you up, later that night to sex you up, the next morning you finally wake up, realizing that you‘ve totally messed up, now wondering why he no longer calls you!
You don't have to accept this but the truth is many guys only show a form of love in the beginning in order to get sex. The minute you tell him that you’re not having sex with him; he will either respect you or leave you. a lot of women give sex to get love ...(i was once that chic) but hey! wake up! Sex isn't going to keep any man.
But in the same way some men give a form of love to get sex, there are an equal number of women who are giving sex in order to get love. God didn’t say “Let the marriage bed be undefiled” in Hebrews 13:4 to rob us of physical pleasure, but to give it to us in fullness at the right time. Just imagine what it will be like when it’s ordained by God. Yeah Buddy! Remember, when done right, you should be having the best sex ever!
Commandment #5: Thou Shalt Pay Attention
"never let your need for companionship blind you from seeing what‘s clearly in front of you." A lot of singles get hurt in relationships because we don‘t pay attention to the red flags in the beginning and throughout the dating phase. When we first meet someone we are attracted to, there is a phase where we are filled with infatuation and excitement. Because we are lonely and we like this person so much, we overlook the flaws and red flags that pop up, hoping that they will change as the relationship evolves.he deeper you get into the relationship and the more comfortable they become with you, the masks will come off and you will discover who that person really is, baggage and all. By then you are in it so deep, you‘ve become too emotionally attached and can‘t let go. Then, one of two things will happen. You will either break up, or go through months of heartache and pain, or you stay with that person and suffer through a relationship filled with disappointment and unhappiness.
Commandment #6: Thou Shalt Date in Groups
What‘s most important, you get to see how they interact with other people, and how you fit into each other’s circles. Dating in groups is a great way of getting to know the other person outside of your two party circle. And it will allow your friends to give you feedback on something you may have overlooked that can be hurtful in the long run.
Commandment #7: Thou Shalt Not Settle
Are you currently in a relationship that you‘re having doubts about? Are you trying to convince yourself that you love that person? Are you having a hard time letting go of a relationship that you know is not right for you because you‘ve been with them for a number of years? Do you find yourself making excuses for that person? If you answered yes to one or more of those questions, YOU ARE SETTLING!
Deep inside, when you first met this person, you knew they were not the one you really wanted. But you went with it anyway because you thought they would change or you were tired of being alone. It happens like that for a lot of people. The problem with settling in relationships is that you put yourself through a time of constantly trying to make that person into what you wanted in the beginning. And when you add sex into the equation, it gets even harder to break away because you have bonded with them spiritually therefore creating a soul tie.
If you think you fit into this category, you just have to make that hard, heart breaking decision, to get out of that relationship, to get closer to God and start over.
Commandment #8: Thou Shalt Not Play Games
Generally, men and women play games because either they are insecure or they are immature. One of the most annoying games played by men and women is the phone game. They give you their number, but don‘t answer when you call. Then an hour later, the text ―what‘s up‖ to your phone. Knowing they saw you calling the first time. They do this just to see if you‘re going to keep calling. Another game is playing hard to get. Now this is easier for women than men.
Ladies often play more games than guys but no one sees it that way.
They will say they want to go out with but will never set a date. Then when you ask them when they are available, they say, “I will let you know.”Or they use the nice guy to treat them good and buy them things, while they date the bad boy. Playing games with a person can cause a lot of hurt especially if they really like you.
Commandment #9: Thou Shalt Be Open-Minded
Being open minded in dating is very important. Now when I say ―open minded,‖ I‘m not talking about sexual exploits. I‘m talking about being open to things the other person likes and is passionate about. You have to be open to try to be involved in some of the things the person you‘re dating likes. You should at least try some of the things the other person likes at least once. You never know, you might really enjoy it.
Commandment #10: Thou shalt take your time
When we meet someone that might fulfill our needs and expectations, we tend to jump right into the relationship before really getting to know the person. I understand your friends are getting married every weekend but you haven't even met mr right, relax girlfriend and take your time.
Getting to know that person will take more than a couple of dates. And PLEASE don‘t think that you can use sex to determine compatibility. That‘s the worse way to start a relationship.
You have to take time to learn each other‘s character, and learn what determines your compatibility. You have to take the time to see how the other person adapts to situations and changes in life.
I hope you find this helpful..Drop your comments below, let's make this a s interactive as we can anddon't forget to share with a friend.
curled from kingdomrelationships.org
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