How Do I Know The Right One For me?

How to Identify "The right one" for me is one question that haunts everyone  but i also know that the reason for that question is mostly out of fear.

The truth is a lot of Christian marriages today has failed because Christians have spiritualized things by placing their hopes of happily ever after on finding "THE RIGHT ONE." When marriage gets difficult, a woman may panic, thinking, "Oh, no! I picked the wrong guy."

You hear statements like "i never should have married him. I had doubts before the wedding and i didn't call it off." It is true that some signs can't be ignored and that is where applying wisom is needed.

Whomever you marry, living out a lifetime commitment of love will be a challenge. One of the Bible's most romantic love stories is the account of Isaac and Rebekah, found in Genesis 24. If there were ever a situation in which God clearly said, "This is the one you should marry!," it was this couple. They were truly a match made in heaven.

Fast-forward to years later. The lovers became parents of twin boys who despise each other. Isaac loves Esau, and Rebekah loves Jacob. We find this husband and wife in a web of manipulation, anger, and deceit. Finding "the one" certainly didn't guarantee a life-long, stress-free love affair. Selfishness and bitterness compromised their love, even though they were ordained by God to fall in love and marry.

Instead of asking the question, "is this who i should marry?" ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I in God's will?

There are some things about our lives that God has not clearly revealed to us. Instead of spinning the wheels trying to figure out what we don't know, we should walk with the Holy spirit. Don't run ahead of Him, and don't lag behind. If you're in Christ, the very Spirit of God dwells in you. As we seek love and marriage, God has given us some clear guidelines of his will and if we really want God to direct our ateps toward the tight man, we have to be obedient to all he's asked of us. Study his word, be prayerful, keep your mind and body pure, and give thanks for your current circumstances. God speaks to hearts that are prepared to listen and obey.

Do not be unequally yoked and flee from sexual immoralities is very clear and direct. Although it could be very challenging  but it's one of the guidelines God has given us.  Dating someone who is on the same spiritual level as you is also something every Christian should consider.

2. Am i seeking wisdom?

Following God's leading isn't always looking for a message in the sky, telling you what to do next. Often, God leads through the wisdom of those he has put in our lives. Solomon mentioned in Proverbs that the difference between a wise person and a fool is whether or not they are open to feedback.

There are general principles of wisdom that can help us in dating and choosing a spouse. E.g it is wise to know a person for at least a year before making the commitment of marriage. Meet his family, his friends and see him in different types of circumstances. 

When  friend or parent raises a concern, do you write them off, or even get angry? There will be patterns and "red flags" about any relationship that are difficult for us to see. We may feel so "in love" and sure about a relationship that we can't imagine it turning sour. It is important to listen to what friends and family members have to say. Ask for their feedback. Be willing to break off a relationship or even an engagement if needed.

3. Am i realistic about Marriage?

While every marriage has seasons of difficulty and disappointment, they also have times of great joy and celebration. Who you marry is a very IMPORTANT DECISION. However, marital happiness isn't solely based on finding Prince Charming. The difference between intimacy and broken vows depends largely on the work you're willing to do within marriage. Any two people who are willing to grow and work through challenges can have a dynamic relationship. Our Differences should help us grow and not consider divorce. In seasons of disagreement, we are to keep our love for each other and for God intentionally. Its not always about finding the right one but about putting God first and being the right one.

Marriage is tremendous gift, but one that will require work and commitment. Expect that no matter who you marry, your concept of love will be refined. When we lean on God and walk alongside the Holy Spirit with reckless abandon, we will have everything we need to be a great wife or husband. 

     2 Peter 1:3 promises, "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life          through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."