SILENCE IS NO LONGER GOLDEN -PART 2 ...communication is

Back to our intense argument or psychological fight (well, because you are quiet), i was told you go mum because you are afraid you wont win. yes, i know i sometimes want to have the last say and win the argument, so i go on and on and on. but honey, staying away altogether and avoiding a conversation doesnt do a better job of resolving our conflicts. it in fact takes a toll on our healthy relationship. I will try to be wiser and stop trying to win. 

Finally, I thank God everyday for my blessings, whenever i count them, you always come first on my list, you are a lover, then a provider. but honey, i heard you sometimes shut down on me and lose concentration on our conversations because your mind is somewhere else, that you most times worry about our finances, our on-going project, fees for our kids' ivy league education and funding of your new business idea. why not let me know when i'm talking about things that are completely out of your priority list and tell me about yours, I'll try and focus on yours at the time once you promise me we'll talk about mine next.

Ninety percent of our challenges will be resolved when we talk about it, don't worry, i'm learning the art of crucial conversations so i'll stop pushing you into silent mode. i just want us to get better and better. i want to have the finest of our wine with you when we are all grey and toothless.

By: Itunu Adeyemi

SILENCE IS NO LONGER GOLDEN - PART 1 ...communication is

My protest this time is against the men in our lives, as they are exceptionally skilled at "the silent treatment". its gotten so worrisome that i had to devote my time to a research into why they would rather go silent than engage in problem resolving communication with us. Apparently they dont view it the same way.
"silence is golden" is an old adage used when speaking or responding isnt the wise thing to do, not some sort of punitive measure.

so i come home ranting to you about some ugly situation at my work place or a working relationship gone wrong and you dont say a thing, how is that supposed to make me feel? better? i hear its because you are afraid i cannot handle the truth, you have done your logical calculations and come to a conclusion that i'm the one who's wrong and you rather just keep quiet about it than place your head in the blender.
have you ever heard this "women talk for expression, men talk for information". I dont need the truth at that time,keep it for when i'm less emotional, show some interest and just comfort me. i need that better than your logical input, and your silence even less

ok, now we had this intense argument, you realize you are wrong, and then go silent on me. who does that? i hear you also have emotions almost as much as i do but i lately just found out from my Pastors while teaching the marriage series just because you fail to put a voice to it . i hear its because you are afraid to spill emotions. I understand expressing a roller coaster of emotions isnt your thing, but i am closer to you than most people in your life, its ok to get mushy with me, talk to me, i wont consider it cheesy.

I also found out you'd rather keep quiet than express your anger and blurt out. Aww! thats so sweet of you honey. its thoughtful of you to prefer not to hurt me. but then your silence lasts a bit too long. i even think your silence lasts far much longer that your anger does. i'd prefare you dont go to sleep still keeping quiet on me, lets talk about it and give me the opportunity to apologize.

By: Itunu Adeyemi